Monthly Archives: August 2010

Fantasia Returns

By now you’ve probably heard that Fantasia Barrino tried to end her life with sleeping pills after the reports about her dating a married man, Antwaun Cook, escalated.  Adding to her sorrows, I’m sure, was the fact that the man’s wife may be planning to sue her.  And all this, just as her new “Back to Me” album is now hitting store shelves.

It’s been reported that Fantasia even had it out with the wife, Paula Cook, on the phone, telling her, “He don’t want you,” according to a news station who has reviewed Paula Cook’s court document statements.  “Maybe the next time you get a husband, you’ll know how to keep him.  That’s why he’s here with me,” continued Fantasia, allegedly.

If this is true, I bet Missy Fantasia regrets running her mouth now that ol’ wifey is trying to reach into her pocketbook for some of that “revenge money.”  The fact that the Paula Cook is able to do this is because of a somewhat obscure state law that applies in North Carolina, where she lives?

But when will people learn that if a cheater cheats on his (or her) mate, he’ll probably cheat on you, too.

And have you noticed that “drama” seems to follow some people around?  Not only is she a loud Drama Queen, but so is her family, especially her younger brother, the one that’s always calling himself a “boss” and spending Fantasia’s money.

Not to mention that wifey has also documented that Fantasia and her hubby made a sex tape.

And as if that weren’t enough, Oprah and Monique want to interview the wife.

However this all works out, Fantasia, just having appeared on the “George Lopez Show,” said she now realizes her suicide attempt was a mistake.  She spent time in some sort of treatment

My “two cents” advice to Fantasia is spend less time screamin’, shoutin’, and hallelujah-ing about “the trouble you’ve seen,” send the camera’s home (TV reality show in its second season), and go inside yourself for some long-term introspection.  And send homeboy packin’.

I’m pulling for her and I believe she’ll be okay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iElCZDWkYKE

Winners & Losers

 

 

Every year there are 29 supposed losers and one champion in the NBA.  In the NFL, there are 31 of these so called losers with one remaining Super Bowl Champion.

Ultimately, there is only one champion in any league, but there are a lot of teams that have won way more games than they’ve lost, and a few who’ve won division and conference championships.

Still, most players feel that if they haven’t won the championship, their season was a failure.   Winning it all is how they define success, happiness, and sometimes even their own self-worth.

But whether it’s sports or something else people are competing for, most people seem to judge themselves based on a win-lose mentality, defining success based on unreasonable terms.

Yet we should all be reminded that losing or not getting what you want when you want it teaches you what does and doesn’t work, as well as how to get what you want or “win” in a different way the next time around.

You are the master of your universe and if you’re willing to take charge of your thinking, you can take charge of your life. You make up the rules as to whether or not you’ve succeeded or won when it comes to any and every experience.

When many among our planet full of winners who act like losers play out their “loser” roles they do so, for example, by acting like jealous teenagers when they’re in relationships; by making others miserable because they’re stressed out; by lying, cheating, stealing, and so on.

It’s also amazing how we judge ourselves, whether or not we’re successful or “winning,” based on how much stuff we have accumulated or how much money we earn a year.  However, we refuse to work towards and claim the one championship that means the most – our happiness.

Remember, when it’s all said and done most of us aren’t happy with who we are, what we do, and what we have because we’ve made decisions that “winning” or getting what we want is difficult, and that we cannot live the life of our dreams.  But the reality is that we accomplish a great deal more than we give ourselves credit for.  For example, I bet you cannot begin to count how many times you’ve helped someone in just the last month or so?

Helping others makes the world a better place because “what comes around goes around.”  When you help make someones life easier or better, you both “win.”

Don’t be a winner who walks around acting like a loser.  Negativity is a choice and it’s a symptom of emotional immaturity.

Play the game of life to win in all aspects, and if you’re not getting what you want just persist until you do.  Life cannot deny the winner who keeps on knocking because he knows he’s going to eventually open the door to whatever he wants.

Just because we have a planet full of winners who act like losers, doesn’t mean you have to be one of them.

Welcome To The Antione Dodson Minstrel Show

The reprehensible Antoine Dodson interview/minstrel show has been opening to rave reviews in mainstream America’s living rooms and has also become the number one video on YouTube and other sites.  There’s even a musical version that’s been viewed 2,422,813 as of this writing.  (I refuse to post the video.)

Dodson, an effeminate, loud, neck-winding Black male burst onto the media scene because of an  interview he gave about running into his sister’s housing project room to help her fight off a rapist who had climbed into her window and hopped into bed with her.

Dodson’s flamboyant interview, sprinkled with threats (aimed at the perpetrator) and “drama,” caused a national uproar and his instant fame confirmed, once again, the American mainstream’s ongoing hunger for racist caricatures and stereotypes when it comes to Black people and particularly Black men.

Even Black Entertainment Television (BET) contacted Dodson and gave him TV time to perform a hideous rap routine on the BET Awards.  The Black audience looked perplexed, witnessing what all had to believe was a glaring example of BET committing an act of Black-on-Black crime.  But would you expect anything different from BET?

Whether it’s another Black athlete in trouble or another obnoxious movie starring a Black man in drag, America took its Dodson stereotype “straight with no chaser,” as if Dodson was a legitimate representation of Black men worth glamorizing in a twisted sort of way.  For some reason, Eddie Murphy’s parading around as Rasputia in Norbit and Martin Lawrence’s Shenaynay  character came to mind when I saw the Dodson interview.   I mean, where else could he have picked up such outrageous mannerisms and language other than from movie characters?

Thanks Eddie and Martin. (By the way, never send a Black comedian with a “joke knife” to a Hollywood “Image Gunfight.”  The Black comedian will sell Black people out for a few laughs every single time.  One could only wish that the rest of the Black buffoons would have a conscience like Dave Chappelle and cut it out.  But I digress.)

How do Black men explain Dodson to their young sons?

Son:  What’s that (Dodson), daddy?

Black Father:  That’s a Black man that’s given up, son.  He let America’s Emasculation Hammer knock him down and out for the count.  Son, whether you’re sitting in school or out at work, America, through the American Media, is going to call you – by showing you in a negative light – stupid, violent, and even try to convince you that you ought to try being a girl.  And “they” ain’t gone neva get off of your back until you accept your fate, that you’re a nobody, and you quit – so you might as well be ready to fight at any time and place.  Even your own people are going to try to hurt you, lie about you and demean you because they’ve learned to hate anything and everything Black, especially if it’s something positive.  Black men like Dodson and most of the brothas that have succumbed to the streets and found themselves in and out of prison have quit.  The prison system tells them when to get up, when and what to eat, and when to go to bed.  But don’t you quit, son.  It’s better that you stand and fight than die on your knees.

I say shame on the reporters who did follow-up interviews with Dodson.  One tried to accuse those who complained about her interviewing him of censorship.   And shame on Dodson.   Black people always step in and take the lead in their own demise.    Dodson acts as if he’s a celebrity now, enjoying all the attention.

It’s obvious he is being exploited (and he has to be somewhat aware of this) as a glorified stereotype in White America’s mind: he’s poor, Black, ignorant, flaming gay, and unapologetic.  Like any stereotype, Dodson’s persona is simplistic in nature and a Black Character Assassination Time Bomb that will continue to explode across the Internet and other mainstream media forever.

What’s dangerous about stereotypes is that they’re easier to internalize than positive, normal images of Black males in the media.  Little Black boys and girls deserve to see positive Black male role models.  However, you cannot watch a movie, TV show – especially on Black-run networks like BET, TV One, and Centric TV – and not see some Black male hairdresser or stylist following some Black woman around like he’s some sort of pet (think NeNe Leake’s Dwight; and Lisa Raye’s live-in cousin; even Monique’s opening promo shows a Black male stylist switching around like a woman).

No wonder so many Sistah’s can’t find a man; they’re confused.  They don’t need an “Obama man,” a skiddish Black man who won’t speak up about race or on behalf of his people – they need a Black man who will stand up and speak up for his family and his people.  But you see, Black women like “floss” and Obama’s powerful, rich and famous.

The reality is that Dodson is part of a generation of young boys who like to act like girls, street fighters, and Black female Internet booty shakers.   This generation also has a groundswell of Black girls bopping around holding their crotches, looking like boys, pimping teenage Black girls online and offline.  Not to mention, so many middle class Black kids are imitating the derogatory aspects of so called ghetto life (not all bad, but an example of the U.S. government, as well as the Black middle class, failing a large segment of the Black population, poor Blacks).

Black people have lost their ever-loving minds.

So the question that Black people must ask is: is it too late for us to save ourselves?

Omarosa: I Know A Hoochie When I See One

SHE'S BACK! Omarosa seeks a hubby on "The Ultimate Merger."

 

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, formerly the Queen of Mean on “The Apprentice,” just finished up her Donald Trump produced “The Ultimate Merger” (on TV One), where she was courted by 12 male suitors over several weeks.

Now we all know that Omarosa is the epitome of one being self-important, never passing up an opportunity to tell anyone who would listen that  she once worked in the White House.  But during some of the shows I watched, this upscale hoochie repeatedly acted like a lady one moment, and a Wild Banshee in heat the next, as if she was puttin’ it down at “The Players Club”:  “Don’t stop!   Git it, git it!  Drop dat booty – know you wit’ it!”

I enjoyed the show for its entertainment value, and I do think Omarosa is a sexy, attractive piece of chocolate, but ‘s obvious covers up her inadequacies with a superiority complex.

Omarosa ultimately whittled her list of potential suitors down to only one man, the winner, Ray Lavendar, the singing, married bad boy.  Yes, Ms. Looking for Love sent all the other single men packing and cried in the hallway over Lavendar like a 16-year-old school girl, desiring the man she knew she could never have.

Her behavior is the same as a lot of successful and unsuccessful Black women who also like to chase bad boys or married bad boys –- all while draped in a Christianity Cape, under the illusion that their “better” than other women.

But Omarosa’s peculiar insanity was also evident in how she constantly glorified her visiting pastor (a judge on the show), who slobbered all over her like she was a big ol’ helping of sweet potatoes and fried pork chops.  Pastor “please gimme some of dat” couldn’t take his eyes off of her.  And I loved how she kept referring to him as her ‘spiritual adviser.’”

Imagine that?  When she finally gets a husband, I’d like to be a fly on the wall when she tells him, “Honey, I’ll be back in a few — I’m going to see Pastor ‘Please Gimme Some’ . . . uhhh, I mean, I’m going to see my ‘spiritual adviser.'”

In reality, Omarosa’s that chick that sits up in front of the church with the tight skirt, crossing and uncrossing her legs, in full view of the pastor.

While running one prospect’s contract through the paper shredder at the end of one elimination round, Omarosa looked at him and said, “I’m in the ministry, and I cannot proceed with this merger in good conscience.”  Yet, this is the same Holy Woman that had Karrine Steffans, better known as “Super Head,” on the show, calling her one of her best friends.  Most know Steffans from her having written two books about how she “did” half the rap industry some years ago, and was passed around like a joint.

But what I kept thinking was, “Hmmmm, now what in the world would these two have in common?”

“Don’t stop!  Git it!  Git it! . . . .”   They’re freaks.   (And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  But don’t perpetrate.)

A quick message to the “My man gotta be a Christian” sistahs out there: if you’re going to act “holier than thou,” carry your bible around, and beat men over the head with bible quotes, then don’t be a hypocrite and act like you cannot date or marry certain men because they’re not a Christian or don’t go to church on a regular basis.  The only one really buying the “holier than thou” charade is you.   Believe it – sane men and women see it coming from a mile away.

The problem with Omarosa and her “species of women” is they practically always have more than a few skeletons in the closet, and just found a new way –- by wrapping themselves “in Jesus name” –- to pimp a different game, the superiority game.  But behind the superior attitudes are usually feelings of inferiority because these women were often made to feel “low” in their past hoochie life — but now they seem to be seeking some type of revenge on men, in general.

Additionally, Omarosa has gold-digger tendencies and any relationship she has with someone who’s not rich and/or famous, or who cannot “pimp the word,” will not last.  It’s all about the “show” with her.

Ultimately, Omarosa didn’t select a winner because, like all of the other “searching for love” shows,  she and Trump are looking to do an “Ultimate Merger II,” just like Ray J, Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels, and all the rest did.  And the TV love show thing is never sincere, because you cannot find love on TV when everyone is just a wannabe actor or actress looking for their first or another 15 minutes of fame.

Just remember: be you and do you — but don’t be fake.

Soul Muzak Videos: New Edition & SWV

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgq0fv6BrGc

10 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship.

What is it that sometimes comes and goes like the wind, and other times, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to hold onto it long enough, or you can’t get out of it fast enough?

Well, if you said relationships, you’re correct.  And your prize is in the mail.

Not long ago, while working as a marriage education facilitator, I discovered that couples – married and unmarried – can greatly improve their relationships by frequently practicing a couple of basic tips.

But these tips are only beneficial if you’re really serious about improving your relationship.

Remember that when you work on changing yourself, others may decide to change, too.

  1. Listen, Listen, Listen! I know it’s hard, but when you’re arguing with your mate, don’t focus on what you’ll simply say next.  Just listen.  By zipping your lips, you’ll “flip the script.”
  2. Compromise. Love is give and take.  What difference is there between you and a child if you have to have your way all of the time?
  3. No Name-Calling. Never!  Never!  Never!
  4. Write a Note. Write and leave your mate a note explaining how you feel about a devisive issue.  This is also a good technique to use if you and your mate cannot seem to stop arguing.
  5. Set Aside Discussion Time. Set aside some time each week when you and your mate can discuss relationship problems.
  6. Try a Mirroring Technique. Repeat back to your mate, everything he or she says, in your own words. You want to let your mate know that you’re listening.  This will provide the platform for a “safe” discussion about your relationship issues.
  7. Do Things Together. You and your mate must spend time together, participating in activities that you both love.
  8. Get a Life. Besides having things that you do with your mate, you must also have time to do things apart from your mate.  Whether it’s visiting friends or just playing basketball with your buddies once a week, you have to spend some time apart.  This renews your energy and increases your appreciation for your partner when you come back together.
  9. Look Into the Mirror. When you and your mate have an argument or a problem, ask yourself:  “What role do I play in this problem situation?”  Stop pointing the finger at your mate all the time.
  10. Improve Your “Self.” Always strive to improve yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  Take time out to enjoy your hobbies.  If you spend more time on improving yourself, you’ll spend less time worrying about your mate’s shortcomings.

Video: Rev. Al Sharpton Responds to Dr. Laura

Jade(d) Caller Phoned into Doctor’s (Laura’s) Office for Racism Ailment and a Klan Rally Broke Out

Not long ago, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the popular radio talk show host with nine million listeners, went into a racist rant against a Black female caller named Jade.  Jade had called Dr. Laura to complain about the racial tension between her and her White husband, causing Dr. Laura to go into a rant in which she used the actual word “Nigger” 11 times.

Dr. Laura even demanded examples when Jade complained about her husband’s family and friends making racist comments.   And after a commercial break, Jade expressed her disbelief at Dr. Laura’s repeated use of the word Nigger.  So Dr. Laura defiantly continued:  “Nigger, and I’ll say it again – Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!”

Obviously, Dr. Laura has at best a disdain for Blacks and Black women, repeatedly chastising an obviously intelligent Black woman and using the word Nigger repeatedly.  Dr. Laura even mentioned that Black comedians on HBO (well, there’s a group one should look to for a proud representation of Black people –- yeah, right) use the word Nigger all the time.  She also told Jade that she was too sensitive, the pent up racism and disgust oozing out of Dr. Laura as if she finally had an opportunity to reveal her true feelings about Black people on the radio after all these years.

Unsurprisingly, Dr. Laura’s behavior also reveals that she enjoys playing the role of a racist at home, mentioning that she has a Black bodyguard and recently expressed to him, as several of them were about to play basketball at her house – “White men can’t jump.  I want you [the Black body guard] on my team.”

As far as I’m concerned, Dr. Laura sounded like some plantation wife, sitting out on the porch catching a summer breeze in her big, floppy hat (stylishly hosting her radio show) and talking down to her Black mammie (Jade/caller) about why her lemonade wasn’t sweet enough (Jade’s  “bitter” language, challenging Dr. Laura about her comments):  “I-I-I do de-Clare, Bessie, I’ve given you everything; I took you in (took her call) to tend to my children (her other listeners) and fed you leftovers (bad, racist advice to Jade, but good advice in Dr. Laura’s opinion) – even before I threw the scaps in the trash.  And this is how you repay me?”

Astonishingly, as if shouting the word Nigger wasn’t enough, Dr. Laura also had the audacity to say “We got a Black man as president and we got more complaining about racism than ever.  I think that’s hilarious.”

Whoa!  Racism ended when Barack Obama became president?

What I believe Dr. Laura was really saying is:  “I’m so tired of you Black people complaining.  It’s bad enough that us White folks have to put up with having a freakin’ Negro Boy in the White House, but the rest of you Niggers still ain’t happy.”

The Doc also told Jade she had a “Chip on your shoulder.”  (Hmmmm, now where have I heard that before . . . ?)

On a roll now, Dr. Laura pushed on:  “A lot of Blacks voted for Obama, simply because he was half Black.  It didn’t matter what he was going to do in office; it was a ‘Black thing.’”

This means she believes Black people aren’t smart enough to figure out what the issues are; they only voted for Obama because he’s Black.  Some did, but not everyone.

Funny.

Still not having had enough, Dr. Laura, drunk on stereotypes and hostility towards Black people, went on to tell Jade:  “Don’t you NAACP me,” appearing to still be angry that Jade had challenged her use of the word Nigger.  She also mentioned that she thought that Blacks would now stop demonizing Whites because  of racism.  But she’s overstating the case because Blacks don’t care about demonizing anyone; we just want discrimination to stop.

The bottom line is that Dr. Laura represents what mainstream America doesn’t understand about racism –- that it’s not the overt Klansman-type racism that hurts or destroys Black lives, it’s the covert racism of the Dr. Laura’s of the world, the White supervisors, leaders, teachers, etc., that manifests itself in different ways in our everyday lives.  It’s the covert racism of a White manager working its way into a Black person’s poor performance review; the impact of a covert racist leader’s policy that ignores inner city poverty or its impact on the Black community and the nation; the effect of covert racism of a teacher on the Black kids in her class when she encourages them to take up a trade instead of going to college.  Thus, everyone looks at a well-liked individual like Dr. Laura, or the everyday supervisor, the leader, the teacher, and doesn’t see their covert racism because they don’t behave in overtly racist ways.

It’s also important to note that racism is sometimes an unconscious presence in the minds of racists.  This is where the rubber meets the road with racism in society and what really keeps our country from being what it should be: a true culturally pluralistic society, not an unachievable “melting pot of assimilation.”   So, if most among the mainstream don’t believe they have a racism problem, we cannot come together to work through the issues.

Another racist comment Dr. Laura made was telling Jade that “If you’re that hypersensitive, then don’t marry outside of your race.”  But Dr. Laura’s comment does touch on an issue that I’ve often said Black women need to consider when they do date, say, in Jade’s case, a White man: the issue or question of, is he, her White man, a racist?

Jade should have discussed this question with her husband when he was courting her.  She should have considered the potential and/or authenticity and sincerity of their relationship by evaluating whether or not her White mate saw her as more than a sex object and if he loved and respected her Black brothers, father, and other relatives, as well as Black people, in general.

Why?

Because this is America and our country has a history of White supremacy from the very beginning on through to this very day.  Just look at the Tea Party signs depicting Barack Obama as a monkey, not to mention the thousands of racial discrimination cases filed each year, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.  The point is that you should enter any relationship for the “right” reasons. and whether or not someone is racist is a good thing to question.

Specifically, Jade, like any Black woman dating White men, needs to discuss what process her mate went through to deprogram himself of racism.  And even though we’re all affected by racism, I place a higher level of responsibility on Black women who date and marry White men because White men –- by way of the “Good ol’ boy network,” for example –- have and continue to benefit the most from White supremacy.  They receive constant reinforcement regarding their superiority on TV and in society; thus, they have the most emotional baggage (stereotypes, misconceptions, etc.) to overcome.

For example, I once turned on the TV and came across “Morning Joe” on MSNBC and there were five White guys and one White woman discussing the news.  Where are the Black people?  But you can see these type of disparities on just about every channel at any time.   And this simply reinforces a White male’s superiority complex, daily.

Additionally, the Black-White race issue is the paradigm or most difficult issue to deal with because of the historical experiences of slavery and the like.

Eventually, Dr. Laura apologized, but it was “too little, too late.”  She also didn’t show any remorse, frequently repeating that she was apologizing because she hurt others; thus, I suppose, she could otherwise care less because she didn’t feel bad.

And to think that she calls herself a Doctor . . . geese!  A degree and all that experience in counseling people, and she still cannot intellectualize the stupidity of racism.  Nope!  Common sense just ain’t that common.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9bYuDl6P3g

The Past

Whether you want to spend your life worrying or reminiscing about the past or not, know that you can never run fast and straight looking backwards.

Defining the rest of your life based on a pleasant past picture in time may give you a temporary ego boost today, but you also drag you shortcomings along and cast a shadow of limitation over your potential.

You must always look forward and chase your imagination to begin to even tap your potential.

Remember that the only people that live in the past – bragging or whining about it – are those who are disappointed with the present and afraid of the future.  WLH III

Montana Fishburne Porn Star: What Happens When Fathers Are Absent

 

Laurence Fishburne needs to do an intervention.  He needs to kidnap his 18-year-old daughter – Montana “Chippy D” (porn name) Fishburne – and put her in a sexual addiction rehab.   It’s going around that Montana will be starring in a soon-to-be-released porn video that she did not warn her father about. 

So it should be of no surprise that Montana was arrested previously arrested for prostitution – solicitation and loitering in a public area for the purpose of prostitution, according to court documents – last year, avoiding jail time by agreeing to do community service.  She obviously believes her booty is her best asset and will help her achieve her career goals.

In one interview, Montana was sitting with a couple of porn stars, discussing how “good” she was at “doin’ the do” in her private life – and said it with a straight face.  I suppose she decided the next step was to pull down her panties and “do da damn thing” for cash?

It’s been reported that unnamed friends of Fishburne’s tried to stop the release of Montana’s porn tape by offering a million dollars and having an attorney contact Vivid Entertainment, the porn distributor, but the tapes had already been shipped out.

Montana’s mother, Hajna Moss-Fishburne (married to Laurence in 1985 and divorced from him in the late 1990s) apparently supports her and recommends she do what’s best for her.  But, according to Montana, her dad won’t return her phone calls.

Look, practically all parents are all for supporting their kids making their own choices and living their lives.  But when they’re young, we’re supposed to guide them, too, and not merely sign off on bad behavior.  I would guess that Fishburne wasn’t around as much as he should have been when Montana was growing up, and her mom probably chose to be her buddy instead of disciplining her when she needed to.  Mama bear — uhmmm, I mean Buddy Bear — was also an actress so I’m also thinking Montana was able to get her “practice” in while Buddy Bear wasn’t home.

Montana reportedly earned $25,000 for an hour of work making the video in question, and says she’s hoping her career takes off like Kim Kardashian’s did after her sex tape with Ray J was released.

It is my view that Montana is a product of a generation of young Black females whose morality has been swept up by an MTV-style culture (see the Real World) that promotes sex, drinking, drugging and fighting.  This generation has also morphed into a generation that values exhibitionism and video taping themselves for broad exposure on YouTube and FaceBook.  Teenagers and young adults have always sought out racy outlets but the world has been made smaller by the Internet and bad behavior can quickly be reinforced online and on television so pathological behavior is now the norm.

Black parents and their parents have failed our youth.  Instead of embracing Black history and pride, continuing a legacy of strong family values, our minds have assimilated (although “we” haven’t physically assimilated because we’re still Black and not accepted or treated as equal) into the perverse aspects of the larger mainstream culture, and of course Black people take everything to the next level.

No, all of our daughters aren’t doing porn – at least on mainstream commercial video tape – but all of them aren’t Laurence Fishburne’s daughter.  Otherwise, more young Black females would be doing such a dastardly thing.  In fact, they’re actually doing similar things behind closed doors and online.

Good luck, Laurence.  And to “Chippy D” – I hope you feel proud when your kids start hearing the backlash and see your pictures online and your video tape.  When they’re old enough to really figure things out, they’re going to look you right in the eyes, ask you why you did it, and “see” the truth.

If it doesn’t bother you, well, then now we understand what the problem is – a lack of morals.

Fathers, make sure you’re a strong presence in the lives of your daughters.  Please!